The holiday season is a time to visit with friends and family, and be thankful for the things you have.
It’s also a time when you realize everyone you know is sort of annoying when you have to see them for more than an hour or two.
What better way to battle that problem than to annoy those people first? Here are some easy ways to annoy those closest to you over the next couple of weeks.
Have any Lord Of The Rings or Harry Potter fans in your life? Sorry to hear that. Well a great way to really piss those people off is to say the two are “basically the same thing.” When questioned about why you feel this way, just repeat your original claim and say “all that wizard stuff.” Don’t use words like “dork” or “nerd,” or they will know what you’re trying to do. Just be really dismissive of all of it.
Create Memories That Never Happened
It’s important when you do this to make the memories a) false and b) basically inconsequential. Don’t make up a memory to a friend about the time you two climbed Mount Everest, as he/she will know that’s a lie. Just make up a story about the time you two went and ate “too many McNuggets.” It’s important that although false and inconsequential, you act as if this is one of your most cherished memories.
Insist On Listening To Music No One Likes
Chances are you’ll spend a lot of time in the car. It’s important that you spend this time either listening to music that you’re sure the passengers do not like, or if there is any question, make sure it’s music that no one likes. Insist you like this music. A good fail safe here is country music, as no one actually likes it.
Insist No One Likes Country Music
Even though this claim is obviously false, make sure you insist no one likes it.
“I’ll Be Right There”
If someone requests your presence, make sure you ALWAYS respond with “I’ll be right there.” Then never come. Always make people ask twice.
Listen To The Television At A Volume That Is Slightly Too Low
You know what volume I’m talking about here, it’s just below where you can hear the television easily and comfortably. If someone asks you to turn it up, at first chuckle, as if their request is ridiculous. When they ask again, act really annoyed.
Drive 5 MPH Too Slow
This is just the driving version of the above item.