Categorized | Fantasy Sports, Fun Stuff, Sixers

NBA Fantasy League Week 9: So You’re Saying There’s A Chance?

Fantasy sports are stupid.

If I could quit this league I would.

All I know is that once Zach Randolph comes back, and now that Evan Turner is a legitimate fantasy threat, whomever wanted to finish in 8th place is going to have their day RUINED when I make my march on the top ten in the last month of the year.

Actually, screw this. I’m going to win this thing.

Did Frank Reich give up when he was down 35-3?

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!

Now on to the real, quality analysis by two real, quality guys.

Matt and Moe are two of the co-founding fantasy experts of You can follow them @KidCotti21 and@MoeProblems respectively, or their site @RotoAnalysis.

Instead of focusing on players this week, we averted our eyes to the standings of the #SEFantasy League. It’s a pretty interesting mix of teams, from “The Verticoli” at 105 total points to Spike (Free Boosie) and “BIG HAIR little shorts” at 45. Here is our breakdown of each team, with a quick summary of their players, chances at the ‘ship, and where things may have gone wrong.

#1 The Verticolli

Percent Chance of Winning: 54%

Best chance to make up points: Blocks

Best chance to lose points: Points, Rebounds, Assists

Key player(s): Ryan Anderson, Marc Gasol, Kyle Lowry, Ricky Rubio

Notes: The loss of Ricky Rubio would hurt any squad, but it’s going to hurt The Verticolli much less than the average team thanks its huge lead in assists and steals, Rubio’s two best categories. Overall, this team is just an absolute powerhouse, with possibly 3 of the top value guys relative to their draft stock in the entirety of fantasy basketball this season in Kyle Lowry, Marc Gasol and, of course, Ryan Anderson. If those 3 guys keep it up, it’s going to be tough for The Verticolli to be beat.

#2: Please Advise…

Percent Chance of Winning: 20%

Best chance to make up points: Blocks, 3PM, FT

Best chance to lose points: Rebounds, Assists, A/TO

Key player(s): LeBron James, Danilo Gallinari, Nikola Pekovic

Notes: The return of Danilo Gallinari will help this team out a lot in the home stretch of the season, while LeBron and Paul Millsap will round out the best group of forwards in the league. Nikola Pekovic may slow down, and he needs his guards to keep up the outstanding assist rates. This is a well-rounded team that is just a strong finish and a few lucky breaks from a championship.

#3 Anthony Mason Haircut

Percent Chance of Winning: 8%

Best chance to make up points: Turnovers, Rebounds

Best chance to lose points: 3PM, Steals,

Key player(s): Derrick Rose, Ersan Ilyasova, Tyreke Evans

Notes: It looks like it’s going to be tough for the best team name in the league to make up the points necessary to catch The Verticolli, but with the amount of talent that this roster possesses, it’s certainly possible. Derrick Rose is money in the bank, but Anthony Mason Haircut needs him to stay healthy the rest of the year to have a chance, and he also needs Tyreke Evans and Ersan Ilyasova to maintain their hot streaks in order to help him makeup ground in Rebounds, Turnovers (I’m looking at you Tyreke), and possibly even assists with The Verticolli’s loss of Rubio.

#4: ZWR Penguins

Percent Chance of Winning: 8%

Best chance to make up points: Points, Steals

Best chance to lose points: FG%, Rebounds

Key player(s): Kevin Durant, Rajon Rondo, Manu Ginobli, Kevin Garnett

Notes: This team has a lack of frontcourt talent, but has had Kevin Garnett, Trevor Booker, and Bismack Biyombo step up in recent weeks. The return of Manu Ginobli will surely help out a team with the studs in Kyrie Irving, Rajon Rondo, and of course Kevin Durant to make a real run.

#5 Metta World Domination

Percent Chance of Winning: 8%

Best chance to make up points: FT%, Blocks, FG%

Best chance to lose points: Steals

Key player(s): Kobe Bryant, Andrew Bynum, Dirk Nowitzki, Nick Young

Notes: This team is Metta World Dominating the league as much as Metta World Peace is dominating the NBA. The good news for this team is that there are plenty of opportunities to move up, as long as Bynum, Kobe, and Dirk all stay healthy and keep their current level of production up throughout the whole season. I list Nick Young as a key player because the main way for this team to make up points would be through the FT% category, and that is one of the only things Nick Young is good at. Subbing in Young for guys who are great rebounders or better all around players would probably be a smart move in this team’s goal of actually achieving Metta World Domination.

#6: Fire Millen

Percent Chance of Winning: 1%

Best chance to make up points: Assists, A/TO

Best chance to lose points: Steals, Blocks

Key player(s): Stephen Curry, Tyson Chandler, Nicolas Batum, Blake Griffin

Notes: This is the point in the standings where it becomes really, really difficult to make up ground. The team has a remarkable lead in FG% that it will not give up, so Fire Mullen should load up and try to focus on its guard play, as it ranks near the bottom of the league in assists and A/TO.

#7 Delco Dirtbags

Percent Chance of Winning: 1%

Best chance to make up points: Rebounds, Blocks, FG%

Best chance to lose points: FT%

Key player(s): Jonas Jerebko, Kenyon Martin, Rudy Fernandez, J.R. Smith, Carlos Delphino, Lamar Odom, Gerald Henderson

Notes: I easily could have put the Dirtbags’ stars of Ibaka, Aldridge, Love, Harden, Kevin Martin and Jose Calderon as its key players, but the truth is it really doesn’t matter what those guys do. That’s because even if all of this team’s superstars play to their potential, this team still has no shot of winning because of those seven key players: they all basically freakin’ suck, and he’s playing ‘em on a nightly basis. On a ‘stars’ level, the Dirtbags could go to toe to toe with almost anyone, but the Delco Dirtbags just don’t have the depth to contend.

#8: Dino Radja

Percent Chance of Winning: 0%

Best chance to make up points: 3PM, Steals,

Best chance to lose points: FG%, TO

Key player(s): Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Brandon Jennings, DeMarcus Cousins

Notes: This is a really odd, average team. It has a ton of explosive, risky players that have a lot of potential (i.e. Michael Beasley, Brandon Jennings, Josh Smith, DeMarcus Cousins) but, with time ticking, Dino Radja is just too far out of the race. The explosiveness of the players could lift the team to the top 5, however.

#9 Get Rid of Pinky

Percent Chance of Winning: 0%

Best chance to make up points: FG%, STL

Best chance to lose points: FT%

Key player(s): Tony Parker, Carmelo Anthony, Jrue Holiday, Andrea Bargnani

Notes: Those key guys kind of say it all: this team really doesn’t have any fantasy superstars. To Get Rid of Pinky’s credit, he got really unlucky with Melo and Bargnani, and Jrue’s just been good not great. Overall, this team is pleasantly mediocre, and I’d expect them to make a push up to 7th or 6th, but there’s really no chance they grab 1st.

#10: Narcoleptic E Snow Experience

Percent Chance of Winning: Similar to the chances John Wall doesn’t turn the ball over for the rest of the season.

Best chance to make up points: FG%, Steals,

Best chance to lose points: Assists, A/TO

Key player(s): John Wall, Ty Lawson, Greg Monroe, Deron Williams

Notes: This team has a lot of talent from a trio of sick centers (DeAndre Jordan/Javale McGee/Greg Monroe) to a trio of talented point guards (Deron Williams/Ty Lawson/John Wall). However, it’s very slim pickings after that, and the team just doesn’t have the ability to shoot up the standings in a short period of time.

#11 The Personal Fouls

Percent Chance of Winning: Similar to the chance that Boosie gets freed tomorrow.

Best chance to make up points: FT%, STL

Best chance to lose points: FG%, A/TO

Key player(s): Joe Johnson, Marcin Gortat, Monta Ellis, Luis Scola, Al Jefferson, Jeremy Lin

Notes: This team’s problem is that it is made up of lots of guys we like, and nobody we love. If the best players on your team are generally considered underrated (Luis Scola, Marcin Gortat), that’s not a good thing; you want the best players on your team to be properly rated as superstars. This team reminds me of the Atlanta Hawks, its best player is Joe Johnson and it’s not going anywhere.

#12: Team Reese

Percent Chance of Winning: Similar to the chances Spike Eskin is GM of the Sixers one day.

Best chance to make up points: FG%, FT%,

Best chance to lose points: Basically everything else.

Key player(s): Pau Gasol, Amar’e Stoudemire,

Notes: Oof. This team was just a disaster to start with, not in terms of talent, but of age. Scrolling down the team’s lineup, the centers are Amar’e and Pau, while J-Kidd, Ray Allen, and Jason Terry man the guard slots. That’s just not a recipe for success. Oh and dude, you’re still starting Toney Douglas. Even the Knicks stopped doing that in January.

#13 Free Boosie

Percent Chance of Winning: Similar to Vince Carter’s finals MVP chances, but less.

Best chance to make up points: Begging, Giving up control of the team, cheating, FG%, FT%, 3PM

Best chance to lose points: A/TO, TO

Key player(s): Zach Randolph, Chris Paul, Danny Granger, Nene, Wesley Matthews

Notes: We love Spike, and we love to make fun of him, but making fun of this team now is similar to roundhouse kicking a baby in the face, it’s generally indefensible and the only person who could get away with doing it is Chuck Norris. Look, I love to make fun of Spike as much as the next guy, and I could do so for at least a thousand words, but the truth is there’s just really not much he could have done with this team after the draft to save it. Free Boosie finally gets Zebo back, so there’s a possibility he could finish 10th or so, but a lot of his riskier guys tanked (Wesley Matthews, Nene, J.J. Hickson) and his star power just hasn’t made up for it, despite CP3’s best efforts.

#14: BIG HAIR little shorts

Percent Chance of Winning: Similar to the chances of short shorts coming back in the NBA, but less.

Best chance to make up points: FG%, 3PM

Best chance to lose points: Blocks, Points

Key player(s): Eric Gordon, Paul Pierce, Dwight Howard

Notes: Let’s be honest; first place is not the target for this team, thirteenth is. To have Spike come in last in his own league would be great. While the Eric Gordon injury hurt this team to start with, the rest of the team has been terrible across the board. Even Spike could help out the team’s 69.5% FT shooting, and the team is only above league average in turnovers and blocks.

You can follow along and watch league standings all year of the league HERE.

I’ve created a Twitter list of everyone in the league, you can follow that list HERE. 

And once again, please check out the fine folks over at for great fantasy advice for all sports, in written and podcast form.

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