Categorized | Ask CraneKicker, Fun Stuff

Ask CraneKicker Volume 5: The Ultimate Christmas List

New to spikeeskin.com, our favorite Twitter all-star @CraneKicker answers your pleas for advice. If you’d like to ask a question for next week’s column, email to @cranekickchronicles@gmail.com.

Hello friends of Spike Eskin.

I was going to talk about the Sixers mascot choices today but everyone else has already done that. I’d talk about the Eagles, but really who cares we know they’re going to win out just to piss everyone off and still miss the playoffs.  Big month ahead for the Flyers but we can get to that later. Phillies hot stove is starting to heat up. How about that Laynce Nix signing?!

Laynce. I can see it now – t-shirts made with the Lance chips logo but spelled with a “Y” in the middle.

Yeah that was my idea so whoever decides to steal it, make sure I get half the profits or I’m sending Krasno, Krasno and Onwudinjo on your asses.

To the questions!

(Just one question is being addressed this week – I wanted to give it the attention it truly deserved)

Cranky,
My mom keeps asking me what the hell I want for Christmas.  I’m a 33 year old, divorced dude who basically works all day, runs a couple nights a week, and just wants to watch sports and be left alone.  So, what the hell do I want for Christmas?

Sincerely,
@mjscalese

Without knowing anything more about you than what is listed above, I have devised the following Christmas list.

Nike Lunareclipse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m sure these are really good running shoes based on the reviews (4 ½ stars out of 5), but really all you need to care about is how they look, beings you are a fairly young, single man with a job. So you are what the ladies refer to as “available”. These sneaks are pretty fresh looking and are functional enough if you do indeed decide to go for a run. Or jog. I think they’re calling it jogging these days.

Bonus points for the color description – Anthracite. I’d have called it Neon Laffy Taffy, but that sounds much fancier.

$130 – available at: http://store.nike.com/us/en_us/?l=shop,pdp,ctr-inline/cid-1/pid-315685/pgid-315687.

Hey speaking of running – it’s cold out there. Why not keep warm with this stylish Nike Therma Fit Training Hat?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

S

ure, you can find it with other logos or without a logo at all, but I think you should go with the Army one. When people see you exercising while wearing this hat they will basically think you are a bad ass. Couple that with some neon anthracite shoes and you’re well on your way to being declared awesome.

$22 – available at: http://goarmysports.cbscollegestore.com/

Enough about exercising, you can’t stay out being the coolest runner in the neighborhood all night people will start to think you’re weird. You should probably keep some good reading material available at home to help you unwind and/or bring to the bathroom for a quick read. But not TOO long in there (see Ask CK – Vol. 4 for further info on that). Mad Magazine is a great choice. Entertaining, informative and I can guarantee none of your friends get it delivered to their house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

$19.99 for one year – available at: https://ssl.drgnetwork.com/ecom/dcc/app/live/promosub?org=dcc&publ=MD&key=IWBMD01

Now THESE are pretty cool. Mr. T In Your Pocket. A few Christmas’s ago I bought a bunch and gave them out to my friends. Big hit. You should probably have one too. Shut up fool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

$10 – available at: http://www.80stees.com/products/Mr-T-Pocket-Keychain.asp?gclid=CIu4soOi7qwCFchM4AodcUIRdA

I believe you are a Philly sports fan and the Winter Classic is coming up. Since you like staying home I won’t suggest tickets, so maybe something to wear while you watch the game? Flyers Winter Classic Bullies Tee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

$27.99 – available at: http://shop.nhl.com/product/index.jsp?productId=12288775

Booze? Of course booze. Johnnie Walker Green Label. ‘Tis the season to be jolly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

$55 – available at: the liquor store

And finally…

Anyone who follows me on Twitter has undoubtedly seen the championing of this next item for as long as I’ve had it. It was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received and I appear to be the only person around lucky enough to own one since I am the only one who ever talks about it. LL BEAN RUGBY ROBE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

$79 – available at: http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/70799?page=mens-rugby-robe-fleece-lined

That should just about cover it. Hope you’re not on the naughty list.

Keep the questions coming here.

 

  • http://twitter.com/_magowan Mark Magowan

    Bro that “anthracite” is one of the grey colors on the shoe, along with “stealth” and “chrome”.

    The green part is most likely “Bright Cactus” or “Volt”. Google it.

    The More You Know
    ==============★

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