I’m imagining that the decision is up to me. I’m going to have to start eliminating people. Who are the unlucky masses that won’t get the vaccine, and are left as mindless animals, roaming vacant cities for blood?
I’ve decided to eliminate people based on sports and social media factors. Seems like maybe a superficial way to do things, does it? Maybe. But the fact is that I don’t get outside much right now, and it’s all I’ve got.
I’m listing these in order of elimination.
You tweet and/or update Facebook status about pro wrestling
Sorry folks, you’re not getting any vaccine. Truth be told, I don’t need this guy rebuilding society.
You live in a major city and cheer for either the Cowboys or the Yankees, and do not live in Dallas or New York (or are not from there), respectively
Nope, no vaccines for you guys either. The fact is, the choice of who you’re supposed to cheer for has always been obvious for you, and you’ve made bad choices. I don’t need you rebuilding society either.
You enjoy listening to Jon Gruden in any fashion that isn’t ironic or for comedy purposes only
This also goes for Chris Collingsworth, though I’m not sure how you could even enjoy him ironically.
You regularly misuse apostrophes or ellipses on Facebook or Twitter
My new world is going to have a bunch of people who are really good at using punctuation.
You don’t have a solid handle on their/they’re/there or it’s/its
We all make mistakes now and again, but if I can tell it’s a regular thing with you, you’re getting the virus.
It’s “should have,” and not “should of.”
And if you don’t know the difference, you’re going to get the disease.
You report breaking news as if you’re the one breaking it
My new world is going to be an honest one. We don’t need any Facebook reporters.
JUST KIDDING GUYS! Just wanted to get you riled up. Just your friendly neighborhood Sixers fan taking a little shot at you. You can have the vaccine.
Who else doesn’t get the vaccine?